Steelers Team Doctor Reveals: Russell Wilson's Blood Contains "Mostly Possum"

After undergoing tests this week, Steelers team doctors have confirmed that Russell Wilson's blood is “mostly possum blood,” a stark contrast to Wilson's previous claims in Denver of having "wolverine blood."

“When Russell said he had wolverine blood, we became seriously concerned for his health. We thought, maybe this explains his recent decline in performance? Having the blood of a completely different species would be extremely problematic,” explained Steelers team doctor Martin Boublik.

However, the actual test results were even more baffling. “We didn’t find any trace of a fierce predator in his blood like he suggested. Instead, we discovered that nearly 86% of his blood is possum. We recommended an immediate trip to the emergency room, but instead of being alarmed, Russell seemed thrilled. He kept asking what possums were like, so I told him, ‘They’re like koalas, they’re not cute, they’re not dangerous, and they live in the trash.’ That only made him more excited. Honestly, I don’t know how he’s alive, but we’re all very concerned.”

Wilson, unfazed by the revelation, took to social media to share the news with fans.

“Good news, Steelers fans—turns out your boy DANGERuss is almost all possum,” Wilson tweeted. “Not quite wolverine, but close. Instead of battling predators in an arctic forest, I’ve been informed I mostly eat dead animals, rodents, and insects. This changes everything. Feeling pretty possum right now, Pittsburgh. Possum Country, Let’s Riiide.”