The Darnold Emerges From Arizona Desert with Army, Declares Himself the “Kwisatz Quarterback”
On Sunday night, the Phoenix Police Department responded to reports of an unusual disturbance in the outskirts of the desert.
When they arrived, they encountered Sam Darnold... AKA "The Darnold", AKA “Kwisatz Quarterback”... emerging from the desert sands in dramatic fashion. Clad in a flowing cloak and a expertly applied Stillsuit.
Witnesses described the surreal scene as Darnold stood atop a sand dune, surrounded by what appeared to be hundreds of desert warriors, their faces shrouded in veils and their spears glinting under the setting sun.
Raising his arms to the heavens, Darnold declared in a booming voice that he had acquired the "Desert Power" needed to defeat Matthew Stafford, and the Rams.
“The desert has tested me, shaped me,” He allegedly told officers who arrived at the scene. “I have seen visions of victory. Of greatness. Of shredded abs... The Darnold's abs. The Rams shall fall. I’ve seen it in the sands.”
The officers, unsure how to proceed, allowed the scene to play out as onlookers captured the moment on their phones. Social media quickly lit up with hashtags like #DesertDarnold, #KwisatzQuarterback, #MuadDarnold and #AbsOfProphecy.
