“Danny Just Showed Up One Day so We Said F— it. He’s Our Guy.” Says Steichen
"Of course, Danny wasn’t our first choice… Are you insane? Just look at him," Colts coach Shane Steichen said at Daniel Jones’ introductory press conference, gesturing toward Jones, who sat motionless, staring straight ahead, mouth slightly agape.
"Half the time, I don’t even think the poor kid knows where the f— he is." Steichen waved a hand in front of Danny’s face. There was no blink, no reaction... just the eerie, unwavering gaze of a man who’d been buffering since 2019.
"The lights are on, but nobody’s home. He just stares at you, like a homeless guy making eye contact with someone who just said, ‘Sorry, man, no cash,’ while buying a 12-pack with a twenty through a 7-Eleven window." Steichen sighed, visibly irritated.
"No, Danny wasn’t our first choice. Hell, he wasn’t even our sixth. Honestly? One day, he just showed up outside my house, peering at me and my family through a frosted window. I tried shooing him away, but he wouldn’t leave. Days went by... just staring. Finally, I called the front office and told them to sign him just so he’d stop scaring my wife."
Steichen rubbed his temples. "Look, he’s not the worst option. That would’ve been Wentz… again. But he’s fine, right? I mean… Danny’s like a scone at a coffee shop. You’re not excited about it, but you’re not gonna turn it down if they offer it to you. It’s just dry enough that you’re not enjoying it, but just sweet enough that you don’t spit it out. And that’s…" He glanced at Jones, who still hadn’t blinked. "That’s our quarterback."
"Danny’s like… a song a Peloton instructor thinks is inspiring. Not a good song... God no. The lyrics read like a middle schooler spit balling poetry in their composition notebook during class. But it gets you through the ride. Basically, Danny is Imagine Dragons."
