Confused Brett Favre Reminds Mississippi Officials of His Plan to Repay Welfare Funds with His 'Cock and Balls'

After what he's now calling a "huge misunderstanding," Brett Favre called a press conference this week to remind the state of Mississippi about his arrangement to repay misappropriated welfare funds using photos of his cock and balls.

“This whole thing is just a silly misunderstanding. The only texts people ever talk about between me and Governor Bryant are the ones involving the welfare funds we used to build my daughter a new volleyball stadium. No one is talking about the dick pics that were also in those messages that I presented as an investment opportunity with the state to repay every penny of those funds… plus interest,” said Brett Favre in his prepared statement.

“It’s amazing how the media cherry-picks info that fits their narrative. If you look at the texts that were sent, they also include an entire portfolio of collateral dick pics that will one day be worth twice what was pulled from the state’s welfare budget. I’m talking about Favre classics here, folks. Some of my best work: perfect lighting, a stapler used for scale, elegantly shaved pubes that really draw the eyes toward the shaft I call ‘The Gunslinger.’

"I’ll get you your money back, folks, settle down. You know ol’ Favre’s penis is good for it. The welfare funds were just an agreed-upon loan from the state. It wasn’t even so much of a loan as it was a sound investment by the governor while I get all my dick canvasses organized for the meat-gazing gallery I’m planning on opening in Jackson. Once these dick residuals start rolling in, there won’t be one empty plate in the entire state of Mississippi. I promise you people… the plan was always to feed the fine people of Mississippi using my penis.”