49ers' Contract Offer to Joey Bosa Reportedly Just Wishlist of Spare Organs & Ligaments for Nick Bosa

Joey Bosa and his agent have reportedly raised concerns with the 49ers organization over clauses in a proposed contract that appears to grant his younger brother, Nick Bosa, "dibs" on all of Joey’s “spare” organs, ligaments, and miscellaneous body parts in the event of injury… An apparent effort to extend Nick’s playing prime well into his 40’s.

“I was excited to join my little brother in San Francisco," Joey told reporters, visibly shaken. "But I assumed that meant playing football with him… not becoming a living meat locker to make Nick stronger.”

Sources close to the situation say the concern arose after a routine contract meeting with 49ers GM John Lynch took a dark turn.

Instead of standard salary negotiations, Lynch allegedly spent an excessive amount of time inquiring about Joey’s blood type, overall liver health, and whether he had a strong emotional attachment to his ACLs. At one point, Lynch reportedly slid a laminated diagram of the human anatomy across the table and asked Joey to simply "circle the parts he wasn't using that much."

“I told him to take the deal,” Joey’s agent admitted bluntly.

“It’s my job to look out for my client’s best financial interests. And the reality is, Joey’s about to hit the wrong side of 30. Best case scenario, he’s got maybe 3 productive years left. Hall of Fame? That ship sailed. But Nick Bosa with three kidneys, an extra set of functioning ACLs, and a spare liver marinating in Joey’s 280-pound frame? That’s an investment on a first ballot stud. That’s generational wealth being passed down to a family member. The 49ers would pay nine figures if it means keeping Nick at an elite level until he’s 40.”

The agent leaned in, lowering his voice. “I told Joey… put your ego aside. You’re a big brother first, and a football player second. What’s a few organs between family? You’ve shown what you can do with two kidneys. It’s time to see what Nick could do with three.”

As talks continue, sources say the 49ers have upped the ante, throwing in a cutting-edge cryogenic recovery chamber and a scenic Montana ranch where Joey will allegedly enjoy a "free-range Bosa" lifestyle: pampered, massaged, and monitored like a prize-winning Wagyu steer.

Asked for comment, Nick Bosa simply smiled and flexed. “We’ve seen enough of Joey over the last 4 years to know what we can expect in the future. It’s time to make Nick Great Again.”