FSU Secures $2 Billion Deal with Brazzers, Rebrands as FSU “Step Bros” to Dominate NIL Landscape

Florida State University stunned the sports world today by unveiling a jaw-dropping $2 billion partnership with Brazzers, rebranding their athletic teams as the FSU "Step Bros."

“These are fast-moving times in college football recruiting, and if we want to thrive, we have to evolve,” said FSU Athletic Director Michael Alford.

Alford elaborated: “After finishing a disappointing 2-10 season, I was inundated with offers from corporations looking to sponsor our program. Among them were Popeyes Chicken, Monster Energy, Four Loko, and even Nicolas Cage. But when Brazzers presented their proposal, it was impossible to turn down. Their offer included an unprecedented NIL fund that will keep us competitive for years to come.”

“In return, all Brazzers asked was for us to retire the 'Seminoles' identity we’ve proudly upheld since 1947 and rebrand as the FSU 'Step Bros.' This name, inspired by a popular Brazzers character infamous for stumbling upon his stepsister in compromising situations, celebrates the unconventional ways step-siblings strengthen their bond with an act my attorney assures me isn’t technically illegal… even in Florida.”

The rebrand comes as FSU grapples with its worst season in decades, hemorrhaging players and recruits. The Brazzers deal, while controversial, secures financial stability and positions FSU as a dominant NIL player.

“I’m excited we’re adapting to the times,” said FSU Head Coach Mike Norvell, “but I do have a few concerns about the contract we just signed with under two hours notice at a strip club in Miami called “The Booby Trap”.”

Norvell elaborated on the immediate changes. “I’ve been told our traditional pre-game ceremony, featuring Chief Osceola and Renegade planting the flaming spear at midfield, is being replaced. Instead, Brazzers has introduced our new mascot named ‘Bryce.’ Bryce will drive a Pontiac Trans-Am to midfield, where his stepsister ‘Shelly’, who is apparently stuck in a dryer, will await him. I’m told there will still be a spear planted, though…details remain vague.”

FSU’s iconic war chant is also being retired, replaced by a crowd-wide chant of, “What are you doooooing, Steeeep Brooooo-oooooos?!”