US Air Force B-52 Flyover to Drop First Penalty Flag of AFC Championship

The NFL announced Monday morning that the U.S. Air Force would take pregame theatrics to new heights by dropping the first roughing-the-passer flag on the Buffalo Bills during a B-52 flyover.

“We’re thrilled to collaborate with the U.S. Air Force on this spectacular display of military pride to honor the Kansas City Chiefs-Buffalo Bills matchup in the only way we know how: by setting the Bills back 15 yards before the game even starts,” NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters.

But the extravaganza doesn’t stop at the flyover. The first penalty flag, a 152-foot behemoth, will unfurl gracefully from the B-52, covering the Bills’ bench and players in a symbolic, and literal, gesture of demoralization. As the Bills scramble to recover, paratroopers will descend onto the field, armed with hundreds of penalty flags, ready to deploy in a dazzling formation alongside Patrick Mahomes in a choreographed dance at midfield.

The crescendo of this unhinged pregame spectacle comes as the paratroopers unsheath batons and proceed to beat Josh Allen into submission, all while a troupe of dancers dressed as NFL referees stand nearby, intensely grooving as they pretend not to see Allen being bludgeoned into the turf.

“God bless this great country,” Andy Reid declared with misty eyes when informed of the event.

“I get emotional every time Mahomes gets a perfectly-timed game-changing penalty to seal a win. Watching the U.S. Military drop the first flag? That’s going to make me bawl like a baby.”